Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
