It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
