Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
