You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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