my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Who died my cat blue again?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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