3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
