I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
