my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
