Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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