I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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