I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We just shotgunned beers for America
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Randomize
