i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize