U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
