Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
