Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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