i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
