I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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