dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
