If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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