mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
3pm strippers are depressing
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
