She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
