Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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