On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
