it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
