At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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