I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You don't make any sense
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