Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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