So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
