Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
