i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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