You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize