i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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