Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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