no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You pole danced in your parka.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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