I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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