clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize