just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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