In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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