My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
