When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
