We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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