I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
