I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
