He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
