Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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