Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
