he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
