you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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