hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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