The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
