I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
