I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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