I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
