sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
