omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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