You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
