Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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