She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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