He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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