Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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