just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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