he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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