No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
