Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
