Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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