im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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