I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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