I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Of course I have a pirate flag
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
