hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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