I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
