I heard we made out
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize