There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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