I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
