I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
