He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
