i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
