we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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