Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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