Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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