Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
