margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
