I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
