I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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