ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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