I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
