The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
