i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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