Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
