Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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