Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
