im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
