I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
