you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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