i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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