literally had 100 drinks last night.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
