Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
