So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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