Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
