Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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