the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
