Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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