I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
