he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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