I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
