We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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