you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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