Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
