As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
