omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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