my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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