I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
